Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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