Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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