when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
