i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
