He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
