Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
