YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
