now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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