so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize