im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
