If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
