porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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