I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
