Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
