Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
