imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
