Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
