What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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