You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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