A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
