What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
