We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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