Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
