she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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