Plan B is the new Plan A
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
