I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
