I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
