Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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