you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
