Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
