I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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