Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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