he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
