YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
