i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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