Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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