bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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