how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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