I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
