You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
