My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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