My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
