I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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