I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
