this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
