i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So vagazzling was a success
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
