I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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