i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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