; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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