It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
