You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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