we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
