It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this will be a night to untag.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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