she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
