return my video game
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
