I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
