So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
