not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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