if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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